Understand the 5 Languages of Love to improve compatibility in your relationships!

Do you know there are different ways through which people express their love? There are 5 Languages of Love. Would you like to find out yours?

Are you the one who expects diamonds on each anniversary or would just like to receive ‘breakfast in bed’ on your birthday?

Are you the one who would love a meaningful handwritten appreciation note from your partner or would you like warm hugs and soft cuddles?

Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship and marriage counsellor, developed a framework to help couples to build compatibility. He conceptualized this framework in his book

The 5 Love Languages: The secret to love that lasts’.

There are five love languages. Everyone has a primary love language. Or maybe more than one, but you can figure out which ‘love language’ resonates the most with you, and which the least.

The 5 languages of love are:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

5 Languages of Love

Let’s see how we show love through each of these five Love Languages

Love LanguageHow can we communicate this language?What action can be taken?
Words of affirmationPraise, Compliment, Encouragement, GratitudeWritten notes of appreciation, cards, texts, letters, etc.
Quality TimeFocused conversations, giving undivided attentionCooking a meal together, enjoying a vacation, taking a walk, having a long meaningful conversation, etc.
Receiving GiftsBuying gifts on important occasions, surprise giftsThoughtful and meaningful gifts
Acts of ServiceCommunicate that “I ‘m there for you”Making a cup of coffee, helping with their chores, head massages, taking care when unwell
Physical TouchUsing body language to communicate closenessHugs, Cuddles, holding hands, intimacy

How can you find your Love Language?

A simple way of discovering your Love Language is by reflecting on

When did you feel most valued and loved by your partner?

There are also online tools to help you discover your Love Language.


After knowing your and your partner’s Love Language, you shall be able to clearly see what and why they have been doing to express their love. Now is the time to have that discussion and understand what would make them feel ‘loved’ and ‘valued’. This exercise is one sure-shot way to fulfill each other’s ‘recognition’ needs.

Other uses of the five Love Languages

This concept can be used in other critical relationships in your life, say with your parents, your siblings, etc.

You may also use it in professional life to appreciate your team members or colleagues. Let’s see how you could use this for ‘recognition’ at workplace.

Love LanguageHow can you communicate in this language? What actions can be taken?  
Words of affirmationThank you notes, Well Done cards, Praise in team meetings, give credit in public forums
Quality TimeFocused conversations in one-on-one meetings, deeper conversations, taking interest in them
Receiving GiftsGifting a book, rewarding for a project well done
Acts of ServiceOffer help, lend a hand in completing a project
Physical TouchPat on the back

Well, it may take some time to understand what works for whom, but once you discover their language, you can certainly foster strong relationships at work by making your team members feel ‘valued’ and ‘cared for’.

Are there any other applications of this concept you could think of?

Read more posts by The Curious PandasLeave a comment and let us know!

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